Conflict

Originally, i wanted to study 50mn and rest 10mn. For the time that i rest, i would prefer expressing myself on blog, but now I prepare going to facebook and comment, and chat over there, and I am also allowed to listen to music and at Saturday, i am also allow to watch movie.

Now, there is a conflict here. The conflict is that as I allow myself to have entertainment, the entertainment realm seems to spread itself into my studying life. I believe that at some points, I feel like studying so much but at some point, i don't.

I don't know which is the best way for me now. Whether i should completely stop thinking of entertainment for a while or what? And if i decide to stop entertainment for a while, it is also very hard for me to adopt to that. I would come back at one point, and i would become exactly where I was.

So the problem now is conflict inside my body. I don't know which one to follow.

Idea:

Ok, the reason why you have changed to adopt this new methodology is that you can't change to focus on your fyp immediately, right? It's a change that could help you at least not to go to watch movie just you normally do at this time, right? At least now you are sitting in front of your laptop and thinking of how to improve yourself rather than forget yourself and waste your time. It's not a significant improvement or anything, but it's at least better than the life that you always have, right? Even tough you go back to do it 100% change, what guarantee that you can do it? Your nature is still there! you have to know that you can't do anything you tell yourself to do. Don't try to lie yourself anymore that you can do anything you like to do. You need self control. And by having self control, at least, you are better than every normal day. At least, you remind yourself to drink water, you remind yourself to control your money, you remind yourself that your life deserve to be better than your normal life. So I suggest that you keep doing this. Even though it is hard, you should keep sitting here and at least do something to show that you are still fighting with your FYP. Even though, you don't go to study about your FYP, directly, you are saving this feeling for the future. At least, you can learn how to be patient. Try to do it, and see what would happen. Try to control your life. This is a process. If you want the result immediately, you will be frustrated. Just calm down and do whatever you can for this. If you think that FB is a bit of annoying, just be away from it for a while and replacing fb time by reading something which is more entertainment for yourself to do your fyp.

Another Idea:

Don't you think that you are wasting time? You should have been watching a lot of movies by now. You shouldn't be stressful about your fyp yet. you still have around 3 more weeks to go and everything is gonna be ok. Nobody wants to fail you. You will be ok. I guarantee that. Just go back to your normal life, call your friends, go out see people playing sport, or just go to sleep, or download new movie to watch or watch some updates news, stop controlling your money. If you care about it too much, you will lose it faster. You should know that you are always lucky and can get away from everything all the time, man! That's who you are always doing. Be carefree, and just enjoy your life, sleep late, because you don't have to meet anybody at all. Just ignore everything around you. Opportunity will automatically come to you one day, don't worry about that. You can do anything with your degree. Just ignore the important thing. Life is supposed to be fun all the time. Why do you have to make your life so difficult? Why do you have to set the 9 rules into your life, man? You should do whatever you want to do at whenever you want to do. You are alone, man!

Comparing both Ideas:

The first idea is the ideal one that i want to have, however, it requires a lot of patient and sometimes it is very hard to do. But at least I am satisfied with it at the end of the day. For the second idea, life is fun and happy all the time, but once the gas of life is run out of, then the sadness would come and haunt me all the time. That could haunt me for the rest of my life. However, for the first idea, though it is a little bit hard to endure at some point, it gives me something such as hope, life, the present. And at least, i do not feel regretful as much as the second idea. For happiness the first idea is the best one because living in this life, you need to control yourself at all time. No matter how rich you are, or how smart you are, if you do not know how to control your life, you would just let your life be in a dumb. And that is the most remorseful thing in the world. Doing something that make you regret.

Another Idea

So far, i haven't mentioned of what i really like to do at my free time. I think everyone should have that. Think that make you happy and direct you back to your normal life as fast as possible. Normal life here refer to life in control. There was time when i think that Guitar is my favorite, but now I feel like it's not. I feel like I need to go after something new like Drum, or piano at free time. Looking at this, i feel like we are human being have to chase something for excitement. We can't stick with something for the rest of our life. That make me afraid of love. What if it is apply to love as well? Then, life is going to suffering a lot. Imagine that you stop loving your wife or your wife stop loving you because your emotion keep going after something that never ends, that whether you or her is going to suffer until the old age. So what is this all about? I watch a movie titled " Peaceful Warrior". It suggests that don't question life because life is a mystery. The more you want to know about it, the more you are blurred about it. So if i don't question life, what should i do? It tells us to be humor, laughing at our mistakes and never regret with what have happened because it is the strength, and life keep changes, knowing that nothing stays the same. That the three rules of life. But isn't it hurt to know that? To know that we should not know what is life all about? Isn't it the most important thing that we should know so that we can do exactly what life is supposed to mean? I think it's because even though you know that, you still can't do it sometimes. That's why wasting time trying to figure what is life just make you go back and forth and finally, you would not find where you are right now. And learning to laugh at yourself is also a rule of life. Why we need to laugh at ourselves? Because laughing is the most beautiful things of all things i guess, so whether your life go up or down, being with the most beautiful thing is the most important thing, I guess. The last rule, nothing never ever stay the same. It is sad to hear that. Really really sad. Why? Because people never want change. Change is the thing that make people inconvenient. Some people prefer killing themselves rather than accept the change. However, since we live in this life already, we have to follow the rule of the life, you may laugh at the change, you still can laugh.  One more lesson from the movie is that, life is not about where you reach! It is about the journey, the people you meet, the place you visit, and so on. You may reach your destiny, but don't forget that when you reach there, for sure, you will have to set another destiny. That's life, you have to go after something and something again and again. It is really true. If you don't believe this, imagine your life when you pass grade 12. During those year, you are really really want just to pass so that you can continue your journey with your friends, and then you pass. You were happy. Then you told yourself that if only you get one scholarship, you would be very very happy because everyone will be happy and i will be happy, then you got 2 scholarship, then you are extremely happy, then you go to study in the university. It seems like getting the scholarship is just a small step toward success, then you got the chance to go to study abroad, studying abroad? What the hell is this, it was the most happiest in my life, why? Because I earn something which life rarely give to people. It's the chance to go abroad and study there. Before coming here, i always imagine that other countries are very awesome, are much more beautiful than my country and so on. Yeah, it was at first, then ? I only want to graduate from here, now i am where i really want to graduate and work. My mind is out there keep thinking about graduation as much as possible. What am i thinking most of the time right now? I'm afraid of not graduating and afraid of not getting a good job and I'm afraid that i wouldn't have a wife or a kid or a car, or a house or anything my friends have. So I keep going after those things again. And i don't give value to the day that I am really living right now. I don't understand why I am living right now. i Keep questioning myself about my life. This is just to support the idea of human's desire to chase after one thing after another. The point is that you don't forget to enjoy the moment you are living with too. How can i enjoy when i can't produce something for my work? The point is that i need to do something to reach that point. Yeah, you are right, you need to do something to reach that point, that's why rule no.2 is applied, you need to laugh at yourself at some points that you can't do something, like right now, you can't focus on your FYP and you come to write this, the definition of life and so on.

Life is really complicated at some point. but to some extent, life is not if only you follow some religion. Example from Christian, It gives hope to your life after death by guarantee people who believe in it the heaven. It teaches people to be grateful for what they have everyday like food, clothes, and everything. It teaches people to forgive each other and control their temptation because temptation is the thing that come to destroy people. It's like evil. It teaches us to be curious, such as ask, seek, pray, then everything will answer to you by God. It teaches us not to really care about food, clothes because life is more than food and clothes. It compares the human with the birds who live like that and never feel frustrated. It teaches us not to worry about anything while we cannot even do the small thing. Imagine that you really think like that. So are you sure you can really think like that while everyone around you are doing something for their life? imagine, you really become what it said, How are you going to earn your living? Let's say you don't have to worry about what you eat and what you wear, then if you don't have money, how are you going to live with the people around you? How can you not be frustrated to earn your living? Or it teaches you to do your work, while don't really prioritize your life towards eating, clothing , materialistic, but to priority you life to helping others, controlling yourself and so on?  Yeah, that's right, in this religion, it teaches you to do your work, but stop worrying because it won't help anything, just try to do your best, and let the rest with the God because God will help you to control your temptation, your desire and so on. And God will see how much you can help others and so on. So this is a good side of Jesus.

In 3 idiots movie, It teaches us to do something that we really love. How about me? How about some people who are going to graduate? I don't think that is really practical. It is high risk in doing that. It is right in a way, but sometimes, you can't really apply it in real life. In real life, you are only given one chance, some people not even a chance. 

Ok, i don't feel like doing this anymore after i went to facebook and see people share something or play something. I just told myself not to visit that website and I still can't do it. Really funny though. It's almost time to go to bed. And i must still have to keep find a way to do thing.

In overall, what have i done? At least I know what I am doing. I think the fight for today should be done. And i really laugh at myself at showing what my thought in the public now. That's girlish, i think!