Everything in this world have it owns value no matter what. For example, when i was young two hundred real which is equal to 20cent now is every valuable. I can spend that money on bread with pork, or soup pork meatball, or i can play game, or i can invest it on playing ball with others kid. It can keep me live with a high moment whether it's good or bad. To have such a money, i have to wait for every morning come cuz it was when my mum gave me that money. Whether i used that to do what i want is my choice. Most of the times, my choices always lead to disappointment because there are many things, i can do it with, but i can only chose one among them. Then most of the time, i invest it in gambling. Finally, i normally got nothing. I torture myself like that all the time.

How about now? Is that money really important to you? You now have money, but there is nothing that can bring you high like that. But to some people, that money may can get them high at some point. This teaches me that everything have its value. It just that you don't see the values inside it. Even the music that you are listening right now, to some people it means magic. To you, it's just some kind of entertainment for me to pass the time.

I really want to give this life to someone like me in the past. i want him to have the money, the property that i have such as friends, money, bike, watch, laptops and everything. I feel like i want to leave everything behind and walk into somewhere quiet so that i wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Sometimes, i wonder is it hard just to die? What if it's hard but at the end you will no longer exist. Your life is just end. There will be no heaven or hell. You just disappear in this world. Nothing at all after that. You are just a an animal which exist in this world because of the natural phenomena. That's it. All the things, you are told are just not really true, nothing you are seeing, knowing, hearing, are all just an assumption of people who has been exist due to this phenomena. That should life is supposed to be. There will be no others things than that. There are many mysterious things in this world that cannot be explained. But if i really leave this world, it is just that people who knows you will be sad but for a while only. Although some of them will never forget you, but so what? It is a just a part of life. It's like you are missing bong phoan, you are missing sopha, and so on. They are always in your memory, but so what? No one can be happy all the time.

Life is supposed to be an exciting journey. Yeah, it was. There were times when you are afraid, you are happy, you are sad, you are hurt. That's what make life meaningful. Life is like a ticket to the earth and go back to somewhere that no one guarantee what it is about.

Damn! I couldn't control myself now. I believe I can. Just take a deep breath. and tell yourself to focus on this. Also, you have to close your facebook first. With facebooks, and other entertainment, you cannot really focus on something at all. Believe me, you will keep going back to study about others people's life but not your life. Just focus on your life, dude!

OK, done! Now, look at yourself. I couldn't help but to like my  body and my hair so much. I just fall in love with myself. Sometimes, i hate that i love myself because when i start to love myself, i'm afraid, i couldn't take care of myself like this forever and one day, everything is going to be worse. But who care, as long as i love myself and take care of myself now, then i will be happy. If only in the morning, i get early and do some work out to see my body fit and study hard from 8-12, and 1-5. and from 5-9: Sport time and 9-1: another study time. That will be my happiest day. The problem is that it is so hard for me to focus on it in the morning since my brain was still numb and happy with with the dream in the morning. I know that dreaming is just an illusion, and it's really make me feel great with it, but at the end i am just disappointed with my day. I guess, good dream is like drug, get up and purchase the dream is the right thing.

You know what i am tired of fighting with myself and relax like 2 weeks. i really hate that and I find myself really bad about that. I feel like I take life not really serious and i don't really have exact purpose. I don't want to be emotional and cry again. I know that I am a man, i can be strong and i can do whatever i tell myself to do. If I want to stop playing facebook, i would just can do that because I am a man. if i tell myself to sit straight and focus on this for the rest of the night, i would do that and i would focus because that is who i am. Like i play futsal, when i tell myself to be good at it and focus on the ball, i would never let the ball get in.

Now, i want to talk about what is in my mind. First of all, i feel that i have a lump in my nipple. If it is really a lump, it means that there is a chance that i would have cancer. I don't want to tell this to anyone. I want to be happy with it and see whether it could hurt me or not. So far, it wouldn't hurt me if i don't touch it. I don't know why i have this feeling that i couldn't live long since i was young. Since i realize what is life line in the palm, i felt that my life is shot because my life line is short. Actually, i shouldn't have this journey in my life. there were many times that i am not supposed to live until here. The first time is when I was in my mum's womb. There was time when my mum thought that i would be dead and he wanted to bring me out meaning to abort me, but when the operation date come, i was hidden without any reason. It seems that i have a strong organism to protect myself from any hard. At the age of 5, i got a long cut with 40 stitches on my left belly. Luckily, there was a doctor there who have everything to operate. If not, i may lose all my blood and be dead already. Since then, i have doubt about cancer at my kidney, but when i check for the second times, The doctor said it was not. Now i feel that i have a breast cancer. It seems that life try to play with me many times. Does it try to teach me something? I don't know what my life will be, but looking back everything is going to fine all the time. The problem is only that my mind was like hell at some point in there. Most of the time, i kept thinking about something that is stupid.

What if i could convert those thoughts into something i should focus on? Wouldn't be my life will fill with meaning? Maybe, i would have at least 3 girlfriends so far, which i had only one so far. Why can't I just live today like there is no yesterday and there is no tmr?

What if i can draw my whole life, and i am the one who control it? What would i say? I just need to walk that way. Let's try to draw it out.

From now on, i promise to live my life to help others to the max.

From now on, let's live for only today. Stop watching movie because movie just talk about other people's life. You now know what you should do with your life. You need to help others. That's it!

Ok, now try to help this hopeless person to clean his table and go to sleep :) !!!