Decision made

What is the purpose of writing this? Will this help me anything? What I am doing here consuming time and energy. Maybe this is the last time that I am going to spend on writing this one.

I used to think that by writing and showing this all the feeling to this, in the future, you can come back to see who you were and feel kind of happy with that. Also, I have collected a lot of photo so that I can spend time in the future with these stuffs when I am alone and find nothing to do.

Is this a good idea, anyway? I have been into the idea of 24 hours a day. I believe that we have only 24 hours a day to live, and spending time on this thing could cut me 1 hour or something. Yeah, I think that should worth it because I am a human being. In the future, I may be far away from the people I love, from my family and so on. And at some point in life after work, we need something to remind of who we were , and why we are living here. So, I think the memory like the video and the picture is perfect to get collection. If you don’t have that it’s like you lose a part of your soul. So I agree with spending time collecting the photo.

However, what about these writing? Should I keep writing this and review it at one point in my life? Writing need a lot of energy. Unless, you like doing it, that would be ok, but if not, no need. I think I should write it once a while for my soul to check what’s my soul feel right now. So writing once a while is ok, Writing the thing that have changed your life is ok. So don’t say that this is the last time you are going to write this. You may write it again in the future to tell what you think about the world, about every relating to your life. If you keep living every 24 hours a day without thinking of these soul once a while, it’s like you don’t know that life actually used to be like this and like that.

So, now let me focus on what I want to say today. Last week, on Monday, I woke up at 1 or 2 o’clock everyday, I wanted to get up early in the morning and have a good breakfast so that I have the energy to work with my project because my due date of the project is coming up. I didn’t know what to do and how to do my project. Everyday, I kept thinking about the suicide. I wish there would be a miracle that can bring me out of that situation. My future was close, I can’t see anything anymore. MY hope is dead. It was lucky or should say that It was a miracle that on that day I met Tra and Vuthy, and they offered me a ride to go to play Futsal. On the way, they asked me about my project. I told them that I was crying a lot because I didn’t know how to get out of that. And Vuthy is the one who to make sure that I will get out of that. The rest of the days, I went to stay with them in Tronoh, and I change my habit completely. I change to be like them. I did what they did.  And Vuthy help me to start my project and finally, I get the result from my SV’s assistant and get the result to put in the progress report. The lecturer comment to fail me for the fyp. For the last 5 days, I have been trying to get myself back to work with the project again. Everyday I was afraid of failing, but I didn’t lose hope and I didn’t give up. I reduced playing facebook and I increase communicating with vuthy and tra and people around me. For a while I was feeling like I have my life back. However, after yesterday when I discussed again with my SV about the project, the tension seems to be relieved and I seem to come to back the stage of the old me. I went back to my room to get some sleep. I visit facebook more often, almost every chance I can get to the computer.  I feel not good about myself for doing those thing again. Actually, wasting another day is not important, but the important thing is the feeling after that wasting day. My day seems not complete, I seem not be happy with my life because I haven’t done anything useful to my day at all. Up to this point, I realize that it’s not about the past, it’s all about now. Even though, you are not rich, you are very poor, you don’t have anything with you at all with your life, your life would be miserable if you are too free, you are not doing the thing that you life and you are not having a good companion. These are the three important in life from Mr. Mogan whose age is around 50. He has been living in this earth for 50 years, and that’s what he found for his life. I want to prove that his point is right. When you are free, you seem to think of something that useless, and when that thought come, you become more lazy and when you become more lazy, you are starting to waste some 24hour of your day, and that lose is the miserable thing which lead to feeling guilty and so on. However, if you spend those time with something as long as it’s something no matter what. It’s like helping others, doing the house chore and so on. As long as you spend those time on something, you will feel more happy. So keep yourself busy is the best thing to make you happy.  Next is to do the thing that you like which could produce money for your own living. We are born in this world with responsibility. You have to work to earn money. And to be happy with that responsibility you have to find the thing that you like, the thing that make you feel proud of. So by working and earning money with that favourite , you can be much more happy. The last thing is a good companion. At some point in your life, you will be down, sometimes very down, and that’s the time that your good friend, your family, anyone with helpful hand, who willing to help you to get out of that is the best  companion  because at that down time, you can’t be happy, you are hopeless, and so on, and that person is the one is with you all the time, take your time, and help you, motivate you, and support you no mater what you do , no matter how bad you are. This is the person that should be stand by you forever and that’s kind of person is the person that I should value the most with your life because without them, you are nothing , or you may fail to somewhere already, so never forget what they do for you and always think of them because without them your life is just like nothing. You can compare that by playing facebook. You now have 2 accounts, right? One is your real account with friends that you know. Most of them are just normal friends, some of them are great friends like Koung, Vuthy, Tra, Sathya, Voleak, and so on, the friends that can be there for you when you are upset. And the other account are friends who you never know, you just know them in facebook. So now imagine living in real life with that. Living without understand somebody clearly is a lonely life that people shouldn’t be experience because that would be the most sad thing in the world. We need to have more friends who are like tra and vuthy. They help me, they spend their valued time with you because you mean something to them. So you should do something for them in that case. Don’t ignore about them. Try your best to do what is good for them. It’s life. Have a good companion, and don’t be selfish.

That’s all I want to say for today. I still have problem with myself on the focusing on pushing myself. Tonight,I will contact my brother and try to get the thing done by tomorrow.